Hello! My name is Amel and I study History & Politics at Corpus Christi college, Cambridge. My degree is a mixture of the best bits from History and HSPS and I couldn’t be happier with my choice. Unfortunately, I do not have a cute matriculation picture yet thanks Covid-19!
To be honest, my mental health has never been the best. Now considering the infamously tumultuous Oxbridge workload, and in the context of a global pandemic, the image I am painting is a bullet aimed directly at any scope of sanity. The effects of this definitely tainted, teared through and tap-danced on my first term. My only friendship group is distributed across numerous colleges. I have never met my course-mates outside of Corpus. Everything is online. I felt alone in not just my studies, my accommodation and college, but ultimately, I felt the loneliest when attempting to put words to this mental conflict that sadly lasted for the entirety of Michaelmas term.
Ironically, such feelings are not individual. Generally, everyone is struggling in the current global crisis (shock, horror!) and as a fresher anyway. And while I am thankful that we live in an era where mental health is not a taboo, given the numerous supervisions, the 12 essays in 8 weeks, and the never-ending reading lists, mental wellbeing can easily take a backburner here. I fell into a routine of accepting that I will be unable to take care of myself adequately in order to submit an essay on time; this assumption is often a norm in prestigious, educational institutions. The ‘rise and grind’ culture is infectious in Oxbridge and an antidote to anyone struggling to do the most mundane tasks.
Thus, as a university, Cambridge does compensate and recognise the detrimental effects this can have on mental health. I say so because there are numerous contact points made available and accessible to students to reach out for help. For students who are simply looking for a shoulder to lean on, each college has welfare officers to reach out to and they typically promote events with the aim of bettering mental health. Your tutor is another port of call if the prospect of talking to other students is uncomforting. In case of serious concern, each college has a student nurse with access to the GP, which can help validate and diagnose any serious problems.
Personally, I still am of the opinion that the university can do more. I do not absolve Cambridge entirely from the toxic rise and grind culture it breeds here – this is a direct result of the intense workload. It is a conversation of the ‘chicken versus the egg’ and definitely not what I am exploring here today – all I know is that it is damaging to mental health either way.
In regards to my personal experience, Michaelmas has definitely taught me to speak honestly. Before, I was of the thought that my lack of sound mental health is not worthy of conversation and is rather the product of my ‘shyness’ and is ‘all in my head’. I have become more willing to be open and brash about my struggles and make a point to facilitate and direct conversations in case I am stood next to someone that is struggling like I did and still do. I have finally taken the plunge and got the diagnoses and medication that I should have sought years ago. This is partially due to the intense workload that did not just (literally) lock me in my room with my thoughts, but also due to the therapy and health provisions available here that are so worthy of a try. Speaking to anyone, even a friend far away from the overwhelming world that is Cambridge and Oxford can easily realign and remind you of the bigger picture – your health trumps a degree any-flipping-day.
If I could ensure you to take one thing from this, and I am sure you have heard this before, it is that it is so important to talk about your mental health and to most importantly, prioritise it. Talk to your DOS, the college nurse or even a friend, even if just to check in. I recognise the importance of physical health alongside the mental – even the pursuing of a hobby during term is beneficial. But if I did not talk and continue to, to my college nurse and my GP, to my best friends across Cambridge and far on the other side of the A14, I am not sure if I could recognise how great it is to be at Cambridge, even when the going does get tough.